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sad pandas support group

Discussion in 'Social Discussion' started by Eetha, Jan 12, 2016.

  1. savvylabell

    savvylabell
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    goin' down to the yee-haw

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    The only reason I got over my last relationship was that I realized dumb head over heels love isn’t real. People may beg to differ, but how many times have people though they were with the one and would never love anyone that way again.. then something happens and they do it? It’s a fabrication of the right hormones at the right time. Pheromones and their behaviors triggering hormone reactions in your body. It’s just science with some psychology. You actually being properly paired with someone compatible is a completely different story.

    It’s a sad realization, that’s all. I miss the insanity of that kind of love, but it got me stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship, where to survive I had to become this person. I have fundamentally changed because of it.

    I met a really good partner to life. Same goals, similar morals and expectations. Would move the earth for me. And I probably would for him. I don’t head over heels love him, which worries me, but I do give a shit and love him. But I’m not open with expressing it. I don’t want to hurt him with my view on life. I’m proud of him, I care about him. I miss him when I don’t see him for a few days( but not when I’ve just gone to work, which was normal last time). Is that wrong? It’s highly functional since he might have to live in another country for a year, and has many deployments ahead of him in the next 8 years. Maybe I won’t allow myself to be codependent. I just feel myself holding back on what could be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I get annoyed with him quickly, that can be hard. The obsessive love hormones aren’t buffering his every move. I never got annoyed with my ex, but I let him do whatever he wanted and treat me however he wanted, and I was scared he would leave. Whenever I’m struggling my current man’s phrase is “don’t worry. I’ll just be here.” And that’s so.. steady.

    I’m not used to steady from any man ever. I’ve been abandoned by 2 father figures as well, sooooo. I clearly have some issues.
     
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  2. Jaded

    Jaded
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    The real themildone

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    edit: dumb question
     
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    #2422 Jaded, Mar 23, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2019
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  3. Vanyanka

    Vanyanka
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    Cold-Blooded Damsel

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    I'm chockful of anxiety today and I can't for the life of me figure out why.
     
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  4. Vanyanka

    Vanyanka
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    Cold-Blooded Damsel

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    Today is a no good, rotten day. I wish it was bedtime so I could just reset and try again tomorrow.
     
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  5. themildone

    themildone
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    the real Jaded

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    feeling pretty down today, not really sure why. gonna go depression nap instead of doing any of the billion things around the house that need doing or, ya know, working like a responsible adult who isn't a mooch on the system.
     
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  6. Turtlefemm

    Turtlefemm
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    Mostly a Turtle

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    :hug:
     
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  7. Turtlefemm

    Turtlefemm
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    Mostly a Turtle

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    Today is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. And I have specks of wet cement on my head from the roofer who was smoothing it over the edge of my courtyard when I walked out which doesn't help my dark cloud, what's the point, mood.
     
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  8. Jaded

    Jaded
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    The real themildone

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    A patient died just now and this one actually made me cry because she was so sweet to me. Said I made her happy with the hair flowers. Her family member gave me a hug.

    I dont even know her name.

    Edit: I realize this is ridiculous since obvs her family has it much harder
     
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  9. scrmcasey

    scrmcasey
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    Skynet Aide

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    Most definitely not ridiculous. I hope you realize how much impact you have just by making these patients' days a little brighter.
     
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  10. Turtlefemm

    Turtlefemm
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    Mostly a Turtle

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    How beautiful is it that you got to be one of the people who brightened her last days. :hug: It is not ridiculous at all to care about other people.
     
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  11. JenniLeigh

    JenniLeigh
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    Batch Bettah Have My Money

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    A lot of the world's problems are because so many of us are untouched by the inclusion of other human beings in our lives.
    Not ridiculous at all that you've remained quite human :twohearts:
     
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  12. savvylabell

    savvylabell
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    goin' down to the yee-haw

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    My mom is a home care physical therapist and every death bothers her. She works with mostly geriatrics so it happens a lot.

    We run a fishing program at the park that a lot of very old retired folks come and do. I’ve known four people to die that we saw around 5 times a week. I still get sad to think about a guy we called ranger 9.5. His snack was always a Diet Coke and toasty lance crackers.


    It’s hard but I’m glad I had those people in my life
     
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  13. LucyO

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    I had the same feeling with my current husband, even after we were married. I didn't have the same kind of infatuation that I had in previous relationships and I was worried that I had made the wrong decision. It took me a long time to understand the type of love that I have with him. It is more of a steady, stable love instead of wild and passionate. We have been married for 7 years and I am thankful everyday that I didn't throw it away in the beginning. I can't imagine life without him now.
     
  14. savvylabell

    savvylabell
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    goin' down to the yee-haw

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    Thank you for that. Since that post, I've kinda gotten through some of my fears. We are talking about moving in together soon and a lot of future stuff and it feels right.Putting that commitment out there feels less like holding back. I already always picture my life with this person. I think stable is what I really, really need. I think I need to realize that if I think it's "throwing it away" that is it is important to me.
     
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  15. Metallica

    Metallica
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    Never free, never me

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    This week has been probably the worst in my life, except maybe when my parents shunned me.

    We still don't have the answers we want, on the other hand we were told the cause wasn't something to he expected. She didn't have any risk factors, so didn't smoke or wasn't obese or anything else.. it just happened. Apparently 1 in 100 is the normal number of stillbirths, but that doesn't account for twins OR for random unexpected causes.

    I've been doing my usual thing in shitty times like these, listening to St. Anger cover to cover. The songs sound more powerful and meaningful to me each time. Too bad no one else likes it, because I think it works wonders. In fact I feel like I have a lot in common with James. I don't know when I'll be back to myself or when she will be, we've just withdrawn ourselves from life for now. But there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, I'm just hoping it shows sooner rather than later.
     
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  16. Princess Gina Marie

    Princess Gina Marie
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    Candy Addict

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    Sending you (and her) our love. I hate that you're facing such a nightmare. Heart broken for you both.
     
  17. jan

    jan
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    Moderator

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    I am so very sorry for you and your wife.
    You are both in my thoughts. Ji Jang Bosal
    :(
     
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  18. ducky

    ducky
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    wandering soul

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    I feel like, with my latest med setup, depression is at least manageable but anxiety still feels like it'll never be surmountable. How much longer do I have to keep doing this until everything feels good?
     
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  19. Metallica

    Metallica
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    Never free, never me

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    I decided last night that taking a break from the forum and such wasn't the best idea. I'm always at my best when I'm here hanging out with folks. Shitposting does a pretty good job at taking my minds off things.

    Anyway, I'm still not sure how to go about helping her cope with it. I mean, I've spent the past week with her being the shoulder to cry on and such. And at times, her for me. But I know a woman is always going to be more heavily affected by things like this for pretty obvious reasons, so I'm not sure how I convey to her that I understand what she's going through. It's a work in progress. I think I'm just afraid of coming off like I've already moved on or something, when in reality I'm just suppressing the shit I feel so that I don't make our problem(s) worse than it has to be. I had already started work on a new room and its painted and stuff. So that's been bothering me too, and I'm afraid to bring it up. Do we leave it the way it is for the memory? Or do I scrap it and convert it to something else? Sorry for rambling. I'm trying to keep this short and to the point because I really don't feel like spilling my heart out on the forum. At least for now.

    Thanks again to everyone that made a post, or messaged me on here or on the Discord room. I haven't responded to any of them up to this point because I'm not sure how I can. Just know that I've read them, and I'm very thankful to have people like you around me.
     
  20. savvylabell

    savvylabell
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    goin' down to the yee-haw

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    the forum is a good place to run when needed. it's hard, everyone moves on from terrible things differently. I'm more the move on, do something, try to surpress it type too. Idk in this exact situation, but overall, i would be trying to be "over productive" because that is how i protect myself from myself. It's hard figuring out everyones coping techniquies and not getting offended by them.
     
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