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jan

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I decided last night that taking a break from the forum and such wasn't the best idea. I'm always at my best when I'm here hanging out with folks. Shitposting does a pretty good job at taking my minds off things.

Anyway, I'm still not sure how to go about helping her cope with it. I mean, I've spent the past week with her being the shoulder to cry on and such. And at times, her for me. But I know a woman is always going to be more heavily affected by things like this for pretty obvious reasons, so I'm not sure how I convey to her that I understand what she's going through. It's a work in progress. I think I'm just afraid of coming off like I've already moved on or something, when in reality I'm just suppressing the shit I feel so that I don't make our problem(s) worse than it has to be. I had already started work on a new room and its painted and stuff. So that's been bothering me too, and I'm afraid to bring it up. Do we leave it the way it is for the memory? Or do I scrap it and convert it to something else? Sorry for rambling. I'm trying to keep this short and to the point because I really don't feel like spilling my heart out on the forum. At least for now.

Thanks again to everyone that made a post, or messaged me on here or on the Discord room. I haven't responded to any of them up to this point because I'm not sure how I can. Just know that I've read them, and I'm very thankful to have people like you around me.
ask her what she needs. she'll tell you.
often men and women process grief differently. find a space to process this the way you might need - (some men throw themselves into work, for instance - or a project)
as well as being there for what she needs. You might also want to find a way to make a memory to honor their place in your life. Plant a tree, for instance. Something that remembers the loss.

But as for her - just keep asking her what she wants and needs. and then listen:greenheart:
 

Princess Gina Marie

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ask her what she needs. she'll tell you.
often men and women process grief differently. find a space to process this the way you might need - (some men throw themselves into work, for instance - or a project)
as well as being there for what she needs. You might also want to find a way to make a memory to honor their place in your life. Plant a tree, for instance. Something that remembers the loss.

But as for her - just keep asking her what she wants and needs. and then listen:greenheart:
Second this Metallica @Metallica . This kind of thing never fully heals, but the grief is needed, the support is needed. Maybe keep the door to the room closed until you're both ready to deal with it. It sounds like you're very aware of her grief, and trying your best to get you both through this. We're here if you need a shoulder for yourself, in private. Send a pm to me or CJ any time and we'll be there for you.
 

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Did you ever go on in life and live and think you were a good person and think about the good qualities you have but then others point out to you bad things about you? And you realize you're an ass in some ways? And you've noticed it and wanted to work on them? And you want to work on it. But it's hard.
 

DareAngel3

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This will be long, sorry. TLDR; my dog is missing.

My 17 year old geriatric beagle has been missing since Monday night/Tuesday morning.

Contractors working on our roof left a gate open while loading and unloading supplies. They said they shut it, but in reality they only pushed it "closed" (there was a 6 inch gap, and it wasn't latched). I discovered the open gate in the morning. They swear they never saw a beagle. I believe them. He's old, slow moving, silent. He doesn't get excited about anything. He's the most chill dog that I've ever met. I'm honestly surprised he even left the yard- I leave gates open while I'm gardening or in and out of the house, and neither of my dogs ever leaves the boundaries of the yard. Once they "escaped" only to lay down on the front porch and wait to be let in the front door. We've lived here 7 years, had the fence for 5- and no one has ever gone missing.

Regardless, he's still gone. He's old. He's deaf. The temperatures have been "okay", but it can't be anything compared to sleeping on top of my feet.

I'm, of course, beside myself. One minute I'm crying at the drop of a dime and the next I'm angry. I basically just pace and stare out the window. I've walked our other dog 20+ miles around our town (which is only a square mile). I've been yelled at for trespassing while looking under porches and in open garages. I've been attacked by two unleashed small dogs. I've called every local business. Called the animal control. Spoken to our mail delivery workers.

The day he went missing I drove up and down every street and talked to every person I saw. It was a nice day and everyone was out. (This is a big deal for me. I'm SUPER socially anxious.) I waited until that night, but I finally posted it on Facebook. I hesitated, because this small down has less than 1,000 residents. As I expected, the post has been "shared" hundreds of times- in larger cities that are hours away. I have strangers messaging me all times of the day and night telling me "call the shelter" or "leave a blanket out." I know this. I've done this. I continue to do this. Honest to God, I'm not an idiot.

I know I should be appreciative of their help, and I am, but I'm also offended. I have friends and family saying "is he home yet?" once every few hours, even though I've repeatedly told them "I will tell you when he's home." I've been told "you don't seem very concerned." "When are you going to give up?" "Why didn't you post it sooner?"

My two kids are... well, kids. They don't understand. They're mainly concerned with playing games and watching movies. They occasionally say things like "Jake is gone and Mama looked everywhere but couldn't find him" followed by "maybe you didn't look hard enough." "I really missed him, he was my favorite dog and now he's gone."

My partner is concerned, but knows to stay away from me and let me handle it. Secretly, I'm furious with him. He was outside while they were loading and unloading. He didn't check the gate even though I specifically, repeatedly, told him to keep the gates closed because of our doggie door and the kids "helping" let the dogs out. Placing blame doesn't fix the situation, but it does make me really resentful. It makes me even more a "don't trust anyone, do everything yourself" type of person.

So... I'm existing. I catch a few HITs and then throw them back. Dishes are piling up. I know it's okay to not be okay. I can't keep up my "normal" routine right now. I've tried to keep everything to myself as much as possible, even after the Facebook announcement. (I'm SO private. SO socially anxious.) It being shared on Facebook means that all of my Friday-morning students and their families found out, so I'm expecting a bunch of hugs and cards tomorrow during class that I'm not really looking forward to. I'm actually really uncomfortable leaving town, even though someone will still be home to keep an eye out. I really just want to pace the streets over and over and over.

I hope I get to update/delete this soon with a happy ending.
 

Princess Gina Marie

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This will be long, sorry. TLDR; my dog is missing.

My 17 year old geriatric beagle has been missing since Monday night/Tuesday morning.

Contractors working on our roof left a gate open while loading and unloading supplies. They said they shut it, but in reality they only pushed it "closed" (there was a 6 inch gap, and it wasn't latched). I discovered the open gate in the morning. They swear they never saw a beagle. I believe them. He's old, slow moving, silent. He doesn't get excited about anything. He's the most chill dog that I've ever met. I'm honestly surprised he even left the yard- I leave gates open while I'm gardening or in and out of the house, and neither of my dogs ever leaves the boundaries of the yard. Once they "escaped" only to lay down on the front porch and wait to be let in the front door. We've lived here 7 years, had the fence for 5- and no one has ever gone missing.

Regardless, he's still gone. He's old. He's deaf. The temperatures have been "okay", but it can't be anything compared to sleeping on top of my feet.

I'm, of course, beside myself. One minute I'm crying at the drop of a dime and the next I'm angry. I basically just pace and stare out the window. I've walked our other dog 20+ miles around our town (which is only a square mile). I've been yelled at for trespassing while looking under porches and in open garages. I've been attacked by two unleashed small dogs. I've called every local business. Called the animal control. Spoken to our mail delivery workers.

The day he went missing I drove up and down every street and talked to every person I saw. It was a nice day and everyone was out. (This is a big deal for me. I'm SUPER socially anxious.) I waited until that night, but I finally posted it on Facebook. I hesitated, because this small down has less than 1,000 residents. As I expected, the post has been "shared" hundreds of times- in larger cities that are hours away. I have strangers messaging me all times of the day and night telling me "call the shelter" or "leave a blanket out." I know this. I've done this. I continue to do this. Honest to God, I'm not an idiot.

I know I should be appreciative of their help, and I am, but I'm also offended. I have friends and family saying "is he home yet?" once every few hours, even though I've repeatedly told them "I will tell you when he's home." I've been told "you don't seem very concerned." "When are you going to give up?" "Why didn't you post it sooner?"

My two kids are... well, kids. They don't understand. They're mainly concerned with playing games and watching movies. They occasionally say things like "Jake is gone and Mama looked everywhere but couldn't find him" followed by "maybe you didn't look hard enough." "I really missed him, he was my favorite dog and now he's gone."

My partner is concerned, but knows to stay away from me and let me handle it. Secretly, I'm furious with him. He was outside while they were loading and unloading. He didn't check the gate even though I specifically, repeatedly, told him to keep the gates closed because of our doggie door and the kids "helping" let the dogs out. Placing blame doesn't fix the situation, but it does make me really resentful. It makes me even more a "don't trust anyone, do everything yourself" type of person.

So... I'm existing. I catch a few HITs and then throw them back. Dishes are piling up. I know it's okay to not be okay. I can't keep up my "normal" routine right now. I've tried to keep everything to myself as much as possible, even after the Facebook announcement. (I'm SO private. SO socially anxious.) It being shared on Facebook means that all of my Friday-morning students and their families found out, so I'm expecting a bunch of hugs and cards tomorrow during class that I'm not really looking forward to. I'm actually really uncomfortable leaving town, even though someone will still be home to keep an eye out. I really just want to pace the streets over and over and over.

I hope I get to update/delete this soon with a happy ending.
So sorry :( I hope you're able to update with that happy ending, too. You're in my thoughts.
 

Princess Gina Marie

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If anyone here happens to have experience with Prozac, please pm me, if you don't mind. I have a few questions.
 
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mboone73

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If anyone here happens to have experience with Prozac, please pm me, if you don't mind. I have a few questions.
I was prescribed prozac once when I was misdiagnosed with depression. Turns out I have GAD and OCD. Talk about pouring gasoline on the fire. I didn't sleep for a week.
 

Princess Gina Marie

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I was prescribed prozac once when I was misdiagnosed with depression. Turns out I have GAD and OCD. Talk about pouring gasoline on the fire. I didn't sleep for a week.
Yeah I'm kinda worried about that. I'm definitely extremely depressed, but the anxiety is through the roof, and I can't sleep as it is. :cliff:
 
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mboone73

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Yeah I'm kinda worried about that. I'm definitely extremely depressed, but the anxiety is through the roof, and I can't sleep as it is. :cliff:
I know everyone is different, but for me, prozac was a huge mistake. That doesn't mean it can't be helpful to others. I'm always on the opposite end of the spectrum. There were times when I thought I was depressed. But that's because some serious shit happened to me, and I didn't know how to cope.
 

savvy

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I know everyone is different, but for me, prozac was a huge mistake. That doesn't mean it can't be helpful to others. I'm always on the opposite end of the spectrum. There were times when I thought I was depressed. But that's because some serious shit happened to me, and I didn't know how to cope.
Princess Gina Marie @Princess Gina Marie that happened to me on Prozac as well, but same, I have GAD and not really depression. If my anxiety is managed I’m not depressed, so you might be different. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince with the right medications unfortunately
 

Princess Gina Marie

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Princess Gina Marie @Princess Gina Marie that happened to me on Prozac as well, but same, I have GAD and not really depression. If my anxiety is managed I’m not depressed, so you might be different. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince with the right medications unfortunately
Totally what sucks about it. I'm depressed and have anxiety, and pretty much anything I take keeps me awake (but so do the nightmares from ptsd when I'm not taking anything). I just spend all my time thinking about how I'm not good enough for my kids, or feeling freaked out that something bad will happen.
I also get migraines, so I don't want to take something that triggers one when I have a toddler to look after. So the pills just sit in the bottle while I freak out over whether or not to try them.
 
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ducky

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If anyone here happens to have experience with Prozac, please pm me, if you don't mind. I have a few questions.
Hi

I took it for a few months; for me when I was raised to a higher dose (i think 60mg? or 80?) it made my anxiety way worse and yeah, my sleep wasn't too great on it but it wasn't before either
 

savvy

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Totally what sucks about it. I'm depressed and have anxiety, and pretty much anything I take keeps me awake (but so do the nightmares from ptsd when I'm not taking anything). I just spend all my time thinking about how I'm not good enough for my kids, or feeling freaked out that something bad will happen.
I also get migraines, so I don't want to take something that triggers one when I have a toddler to look after. So the pills just sit in the bottle while I freak out over whether or not to try them.
I do that to myself all the time, paraylsis about taking something because of the bad things that happen. I had a complete meltdown taking the codiene cough syrup this winter, even though I was coughing so hard i threw out back and kept throwing up. My boyfriend had to coach me through. I don't have great advice on that, especially when having to worry about kiddos.

But I always feel like if you're worrying about being a good parent, you're probably being a good parent. <3
 
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Princess Gina Marie

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Hi

I took it for a few months; for me when I was raised to a higher dose (i think 60mg? or 80?) it made my anxiety way worse and yeah, my sleep wasn't too great on it but it wasn't before either
Eek. That bites. :/

This is only 10mg to start, so it may not be all that strong and I'm just paranoid, but idk.
 

Princess Gina Marie

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I do that to myself all the time, paraylsis about taking something because of the bad things that happen. I had a complete meltdown taking the codiene cough syrup this winter, even though I was coughing so hard i threw out back and kept throwing up. My boyfriend had to coach me through. I don't have great advice on that, especially when having to worry about kiddos.

But I always feel like if you're worrying about being a good parent, you're probably being a good parent. <3
Thank you :love: That thought is appreciated. And may have made me cry a little bit.
 
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