My mom and dad are like this and it has always driven me nuts.
When I met my wife she was pretty independent but as the years have gone by she gradually did less and less for herself until we're at the point where I am shocked when she turns the tv on for herself. Lately I have been refusing to do stuff for her and telling her that I don't want to live like that. She expects me to do all the cleaning and yard care for 2 houses and do everything for the kids so she can relax after work.
fuck. that.
Hey, I have pretty bad anxiety and am kinda cuckoo for coconuts, so my arrangement with husband is kind of similar. He does 99% of the "front of house" business (calling places on the phone, doctors appointments, car stuff, anything involving talking to someone) and we tend to grocery shop together (b/c he doesn't know what to get anyhow) but I do 100% of the "non front of house" stuff. Cleaning, animal care, cooking, planning, non-interaction-based stuff... I'm trying to say the difference might be that I KNOW I'm a little wacky in the mental department. Make her ass go to a therapist. She's probably miserable, I know I'm miserable when I feel like I "can't" do something. Totally rotten feeling. Especially if her mom is like "Oh that's how she was as a kid" she probalby never REALLY let it sink in that you can't behave that way just because it's "easier" to deal with than the anxiety of the Tire guy making you feel uncomfortable.
Just my two unasked for cents. Do wish you both well, doesn't sound like fun at all.
Also I was 100% "I don't need a man" independent when I met my husband. Having a safe place/person sometimes makes it easier to fall back into that kind of behavior. In my experience, anyhow.