I am pretty much incapable of casual dating. I've tried over the past year. Either my heart gets massively broken or I break someones heart, even when intentions are made clear, feelings don't cooperate lol. I'm very much an all or nothing person, unfortunately.
i spent nearly 6 years of my life with someone who told me that had the same dreams, and thought I would never have to date again. It's not a reality I appreciate every morning, that it's not the status anymore lol. "People are unknowable. You can never really know what goes on inside someone else’s heart." quote from broadchurch.
and physically i have to worry about aging. I try to stay active and ahead of the game, but I have some inflammatory/auto immune issues and have had back problems since age 13. it's already an uphill battle and i'm not even 30. *grimace*
i'm going to end my complaining now. life sucks, could be worse, could be better. either way, it'll go on.
I believe you will get to where you want to be.
I was 35 when I went through divorce number 2. I was convinced my life was over. Approaching middle age, borderline diabetic, fat, out of shape and uninspired by anything in life. Too depressed to care about anything. It was realizing that everyone I cared about had given up on me that inspired me to take back control of my life. Fuck other people. Fuck expectations. Fuck conventions of society. I decided to go after life, no holds barred - and nothing was going to hold me back.
Now I'm 42, own a successful jewelry business, have a lot going for me. Married again, have awesome kids.
I'm not even where I want to be...yet. I will be a storm chase photographer someday. Until then I practice, prepare, and learn until I won't only just hold my head above water at what I do - but I will be among the elite.
Will the people in my life follow me? I don't know. If they don't then fuck them. I will find people who will be there with me.
Just don't put pressure on yourself that nobody else is putting on you and don't let societal expectations get inside your head. Psyching yourself out is the most dangerous game you can play...and you will NEVER win with that.