I know she's trying to be nice...it's not a fun spot to be in, to walk that line of being caring with a kid that is really difficult.
My daughter is in therapy due to her mother's shitty behavior over the years and I threw her mother right under that big ol' fucking bus. When the doctor recommended psych therapy for my daughter I went to friend of the court and petitioned them to order her mother to attend at least one session a month with her so they can get on the same page and so my ex can finally be told exactly how to parent.
It's not fun and some parents are more concerned with wanting to be a best friend and keep peace in the house instead of help their child develop but it isn't doing anything productive - it is just letting your kid learn that they can be a lazy asshole for their entire life and someone else will take care of them.
My wife's parents did the same shit with my wife and her siblings growing up. The result is that while my wife and I have no debt and my wife makes nearly $40,000 a year and only pays property taxes. Her mom pays for her fucking cell phone and car insurance.