04/29 - Serial Saturday!

[Rerun]

But it's a pretty box!

@YAHU? Can I get a ruling?

 

[YAHU]

@YAHU? Can I get a ruling?

 

[KYLaura]

So, I had plans with friends that were supposed to come up to see a concert and hang out for a weekend in July...they had bought tickets, we made arrangements, it was golden. It was a camping/concert weekend at the gorge in washington. I got a text today saying they had an opportunity to head to the bahamas for a steal price. (I know this isn't really super relevant but the her boyfriend, and my other best friend, is a computer engineer and makes a shit ton of money) and so they can no longer make it up. This is one of my best friends from college and I don't really know what to say to her, and I don't really want to feel selfish, but I've always been the one to see them first. I'm not going to guilt them into coming because they obviously don't want to, but I don't know how to tactfully remain in this relationship without feeling petty. Any advice?

I'm also a few beers in...so sorry if I'm emotional and reaching...

First piece of advice is just to take a step back, and don't invest so much of yourself into your relationship with this friend. It sounds like the two of them are getting closer (that could be my age talking) but I sense that perhaps your friend is considering a more permanent relationship with this boyfriend. Maybe?

You don't have to have any expectations to be a friend. Just wish them well on their vacation, and let things slide for awhile.

I actually did this with a family member. I was so hurt by so many things this family member was doing, and finally, I just decided not to have any expectations for them or for the relationship. It was like a huge weight was lifted off of me. When I would get one of "those" phone calls, I would be civil, just as I would with any acquaintance (not a close family member) and as long as it was going well, I would stay in the conversation. When things got dicey, then I'd "have to go - I have an appointment". And take a breath, and just let it go. I was not willing to completely sever the relationship, but I had to do something to protect my soul.

Maybe you have to be ready to do something like that, for it to work, though.

The hardest thing to realize is really so simple it's elegant: we have absolutely no control over anything anyone else does. We only have control over our response to it. My advice: let go of your expectations, and just enjoy the friendship however it plays out.

Hey. I also want to say that I care, and that I am sending positive thoughts your way. Hang in there.

 

[Bode "Emo Barry" Miller]

I appreciate that you quoted the post so I could see what the tag alert I got was

 

[LlamaRhama]

First piece of advice is just to take a step back, and don't invest so much of yourself into your relationship with this friend. It sounds like the two of them are getting closer (that could be my age talking) but I sense that perhaps your friend is considering a more permanent relationship with this boyfriend. Maybe?

You don't have to have any expectations to be a friend. Just wish them well on their vacation, and let things slide for awhile.

I actually did this with a family member. I was so hurt by so many things this family member was doing, and finally, I just decided not to have any expectations for them or for the relationship. It was like a huge weight was lifted off of me. When I would get one of "those" phone calls, I would be civil, just as I would with any acquaintance (not a close family member) and as long as it was going well, I would stay in the conversation. When things got dicey, then I'd "have to go - I have an appointment". And take a breath, and just let it go. I was not willing to completely sever the relationship, but I had to do something to protect my soul.

Maybe you have to be ready to do something like that, for it to work, though.

The hardest thing to realize is really so simple it's elegant: we have absolutely no control over anything anyone else does. We only have control over our response to it. My advice: let go of your expectations, and just enjoy the friendship however it plays out.

Hey. I also want to say that I care, and that I am sending positive thoughts your way. Hang in there.

The kicker is I set them up...lol. They're two of my best friends and now they're completely together so we had plans to get together up in my neck of the woods. Thank you so much for the advice! I really really appreciate it. I've been feeling kind of alone lately and it helps to have people here that can reassure and what not. She is a good person and I think I'll actually not be passive aggressive and actually tell her how I feel (gasp), but I think that's the best thing.

Thanks, guys. It's been a rough year and this forum has made it better. You're dysfunctional relationships make me feel right at home.

 

[sudilly]

It costs more than I make in a year to buy a salad.

That's why they call it Whole Paycheck!

 

[T. Leela]

@YAHU? Can I get a ruling?

i just suddenly understood a joke I heard about 20 years ago.

 

[TobyF]

The kicker is I set them up...lol. They're two of my best friends and now they're completely together so we had plans to get together up in my neck of the woods. Thank you so much for the advice! I really really appreciate it. I've been feeling kind of alone lately and it helps to have people here that can reassure and what not. She is a good person and I think I'll actually not be passive aggressive and actually tell her how I feel (gasp), but I think that's the best thing.

Thanks, guys. It's been a rough year and this forum has made it better. You're dysfunctional relationships make me feel right at home.

i think it's ok to be passive aggressive in some cases though. They ditched you. but yeah, see what she says after you tell how you feel. Might not even realize it.

 

[KYLaura]

The kicker is I set them up...lol. They're two of my best friends and now they're completely together so we had plans to get together up in my neck of the woods. Thank you so much for the advice! I really really appreciate it. I've been feeling kind of alone lately and it helps to have people here that can reassure and what not. She is a good person and I think I'll actually not be passive aggressive and actually tell her how I feel (gasp), but I think that's the best thing.

Thanks, guys. It's been a rough year and this forum has made it better. You're dysfunctional relationships make me feel right at home.

Really, hang in there. And remember, you don't have to be either passive-aggressive or aggressive. You can choose to be neither of those. Saying how you feel is a great idea (I thought you had done that already.) I strongly advise not to set an ultimatum of any kind.

Good job for setting them up. Your intuition works great!

 

[WalkingEmphasis]

The kicker is I set them up...lol. They're two of my best friends and now they're completely together so we had plans to get together up in my neck of the woods. Thank you so much for the advice! I really really appreciate it. I've been feeling kind of alone lately and it helps to have people here that can reassure and what not. She is a good person and I think I'll actually not be passive aggressive and actually tell her how I feel (gasp), but I think that's the best thing.

Thanks, guys. It's been a rough year and this forum has made it better. You're dysfunctional relationships make me feel right at home.

Ugh. I just wanted to say I'm sorry and they kind of suck a little. How they handled that was crap. Your plans sounded awesome. The gorge is beautiful (I'm an Oregonian, go PNW!) and it's their loss in the long run.

 

[sudilly]

Title: 5-10 minute phone interview about weightlifting | PANDA Worker: Preview | Accept | Requester Requester: Tim [ARHNF9YWX9VUZ] (Contact) TO 1: [Pay: 5.00] [Fast: 5.00] [Comm: 5.00] [Fair: 5.00] [Reviews: 1] [ToS: 0] TO 2: Not Available Description: Collecting information about gym goers and how they track their progress Time: 1 hour HITs Available: 1 Reward: $2.10 Qualifications: None;

 

[sudilly]

Title: Answer a survey about your opinions on fashion blog | PANDA Worker: Preview | Accept | Requester Requester: mona [A1QY89SJIWFL6V] (Contact) TO 1: [Pay: 5.00] [Fast: 5.00] [Comm: 5.00] [Fair: 4.50] [Reviews: 2] [ToS: 0] TO 2: Not Available Description: Give us your opinion about Fashion blogger Time: 1 hour HITs Available: 1 Reward: $0.50 Qualifications: Location EqualTo US;

 

[sudilly]

Title: Survey: Performance Reviews | PANDA Worker: Preview | Accept | Requester Requester: UCLA Social Relations Lab [A3U4LJT22OTQZS] (Contact) TO 1: [Pay: 2.61] [Fast: 4.35] [Comm: 3.33] [Fair: 4.67] [Reviews: 53] [ToS: 0] TO 2: Not Available Description: Complete a 5-7 minute survey on workplace performance reviews Time: 1 hour HITs Available: 1 Reward: $0.50 Qualifications: Location EqualTo US;

 

[sudilly]

Title: Study on person perception(~ 5 minutes) | PANDA Worker: Preview | Accept | Requester Requester: Mark White [A3LYCE6RCNIIRB] (Contact) TO 1: [Pay: 4.24] [Fast: 5.00] [Comm: 5.00] [Fair: 5.00] [Reviews: 21] [ToS: 0] TO 2: Not Available Description: In this study, you will answer a question. Then, you will answer questions about how other people responded to the same question. Time: 30 minutes HITs Available: 1 Reward: $0.50 Qualifications: Exc: [21812869-41445] DoesNotExist ; Total approved HITs GreaterThanOrEqualTo 100; Total approved HITs LessThanOrEqualTo 100000; HIT approval rate (%) GreaterThanOrEqualTo 95; Location In US;

 

[LlamaRhama]

Ugh. I just wanted to say I'm sorry and they kind of suck a little. How they handled that was crap. Your plans sounded awesome. The gorge is beautiful (I'm an Oregonian, go PNW!) and it's their loss in the long run.

Right?? She just said they would spend about 750 for their trip to the bahamas and would spend way less for the gorge trip. I vote for the Gorge everytime!

Oh, I have 2 tickets to the Gorge Jack Johnson tickets now. Will sell at below cost. Camping gear included if you want to come hang out!

 

[TobyF]

Right?? She just said they would spend about 750 for their trip to the bahamas and would spend way less for the gorge trip. I vote for the Gorge everytime!

Oh, I have 2 tickets to the Gorge Jack Johnson tickets now. Will sell at below cost. Camping gear included if you want to come hang out!

How would I know you wouldnt go into llama rage and kick somebody?

 

[LlamaRhama]

How would I know you wouldnt go into llama rage and kick somebody?

I'll take off 5 bucks

 

[Rerun]

i just suddenly understood a joke I heard about 20 years ago.

 

[T. Leela]

How could you use my own face against me?

 

[Blue]

i think it's ok to be passive aggressive in some cases though. They ditched you. but yeah, see what she says after you tell how you feel. Might not even realize it.

Aggression rarely has positive consequences, passive or otherwise.