Dating Advice!

[Vanyanka]

Thanks for all the LTR stories. It's nice to hear how different people make it work. Takes all sorts.

 

[Vanyanka]

A typical argument between my husband and I.

 

[ElleWoods]

For those who are married or are in long-term relationships, how did said relationship begin? Was it a smooth process, lots of hiccups at the start, whatever the case might be? I think that could be important to show people there isn't a formula of winding up with someone special.

@Vanyanka @Sondi @Squatty
First people I could think of.

Yes, this is a 100% serious question. Genuinely curious.[/QUOTE}

Eharmony. My husband is a total introvert, and I'm.....well....not to put it mildly. We are perfect opposites and it works for us.

Our relationship has been as smooth as it gets IMO. We have very similar values, politically, religiously, logically.....we are partners in everything above all else. We are both planners. We talked about when we were going to get married, about the right time for kids, buying houses...etc. Discuss all of the big stuff and plan it out. We trust each other when we can't be together to make decisions. We've developed interests together and really make a conscious effort to make time for one another. It doesn't just "happen"....it's work. Especially down the road after you've been together for a while. You get comfortable, and maybe put less effort into letting each other know you don't take that person for granted.

We also tend to go with more traditional roles in our marriage, which I think...at least for us....is a big factor in why we work.

 

[Peachy]

I wasn't going to get involved with dating again, but a girl reached out to me and asked if I wanted to hang out this week. I agreed. I'm not putting much stock into this. I just want a nice evening out and if we gel, we gel. If not - oh well.

We made a date for this Saturday. I'm of the opinion that texting too much until then is not necessarily a good thing. Maybe text her a day before and confirm that we're still on? If she texts me this week - I'll of course reply but was just curious.

 

[sinon]

Maybe text her a day before and confirm that we're still on? If she texts me this week - I'll of course reply but was just curious.

I think that sounds fine personally But other people may have different advice.

 

[Jaded]

I'm of the opinion that texting too much until then is not necessarily a good thing.

how come?

 

[Peachy]

how come?

more to talk about on the actual date, etc

 

[KYLaura]

I wasn't going to get involved with dating again, but a girl reached out to me and asked if I wanted to hang out this week. I agreed. I'm not putting much stock into this. I just want a nice evening out and if we gel, we gel. If not - oh well.

We made a date for this Saturday. I'm of the opinion that texting too much until then is not necessarily a good thing. Maybe text her a day before and confirm that we're still on? If she texts me this week - I'll of course reply but was just curious.

I am of the opinion that it's not good to overthink it. If you want to text, text. If you want to not text, then don't. Because the whole point is to get to know each other, if we keep acting the way we think they expect/want us to act, or if we behave a certain way to train them, as it were, we're not getting to know them, nor they us.

Take this whence it comes. I'm an old, old woman, and purposely out of the dating world for the last 12 years - because my last relationship damned near killed me. I'm too old to put myself out there again. But this old woman still believes that dating is the time of getting to know someone to see if you are compatible and want a relationship.

Good luck and have fun.

 

[Peachy]

I think that sounds fine personally But other people may have different advice.

I am of the opinion that it's not good to overthink it. If you want to text, text. If you want to not text, then don't. Because the whole point is to get to know each other, if we keep acting the way we think they expect/want us to act, or if we behave a certain way to train them, as it were, we're not getting to know them, nor they us.

Take this whence it comes. I'm an old, old woman, and purposely out of the dating world for the last 12 years - because my last relationship damned near killed me. I'm too old to put myself out there again. But this old woman still believes that dating is the time of getting to know someone to see if you are compatible and want a relationship.

Good luck and have fun.

thank you for the advice. I'll send her a text. She seems like a nice girl. we'll see how Saturday goes though

 

[KYLaura]

thank you for the advice. I'll send her a text. She seems like a nice girl. we'll see how Saturday goes though

I hope you have fun.

 

[KYLaura]

thank you for the advice. I'll send her a text. She seems like a nice girl. we'll see how Saturday goes though

How was your Saturday? Did you have fun?

 

[Peachy]

How was your Saturday? Did you have fun?

Well me met for a couple hours. It didn't go really as planned. She ended up being really quiet and shy. I'm also quiet and shy but I tried my best to lead the convo after noticing how timid and quiet she was by asking questions I knew she would have interests in (like the band she plays in, her favorite music/etc etc etc). She didn't really offer up any follow back questions though so it was kind of a difficult time to be honest. I was dissapointed afterwards because I was looking forward to it. I would go out with her again to see if she's more open next time but yesterday was probably the toughest date I've had. I tried my best to make small talk/any talk. Towards the end I didn't even know what to talk about. I tried to get her to open up a little bit but all of her responses were so short. It was hard to build off any of them. And I felt like the more I talked (to try and make up for a few of the silences) the more dumb stuff I probably said. Making me look even more silly in the process. So eh not a good date. We'll see what happens now, if anything

 

[Peachy]

My longest relationship (3ish years) was with a woman who was more extraverted than me and I felt like we had a nice balance. Maybe shy + shy isn't the best mix for two people dating. Maybe it would get better over time when both parties loosened up. I'm just typing out loud as I go

 

[KYLaura]

Well me met for a couple hours. It didn't go really as planned. She ended up being really quiet and shy. I'm also quiet and shy but I tried my best to lead the convo after noticing how timid and quiet she was by asking questions I knew she would have interests in (like the band she plays in, her favorite music/etc etc etc). She didn't really offer up any follow back questions though so it was kind of a difficult time to be honest. I was dissapointed afterwards because I was looking forward to it. I would go out with her again to see if she's more open next time but yesterday was probably the toughest date I've had. I tried my best to make small talk/any talk. Towards the end I didn't even know what to talk about. I tried to get her to open up a little bit but all of her responses were so short. It was hard to build off any of them. And I felt like the more I talked (to try and make up for a few of the silences) the more dumb stuff I probably said. Making me look even more silly in the process. So eh not a good date. We'll see what happens now, if anything

Kudos to you for putting yourself out there. Sorry you were disappointed.

 

[Peachy]

Spoiler: I might get made fun of this for still being open to meeting this woman

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[Major Payne]

Well me met for a couple hours. It didn't go really as planned. She ended up being really quiet and shy. I'm also quiet and shy but I tried my best to lead the convo after noticing how timid and quiet she was by asking questions I knew she would have interests in (like the band she plays in, her favorite music/etc etc etc). She didn't really offer up any follow back questions though so it was kind of a difficult time to be honest. I was dissapointed afterwards because I was looking forward to it. I would go out with her again to see if she's more open next time but yesterday was probably the toughest date I've had. I tried my best to make small talk/any talk. Towards the end I didn't even know what to talk about. I tried to get her to open up a little bit but all of her responses were so short. It was hard to build off any of them. And I felt like the more I talked (to try and make up for a few of the silences) the more dumb stuff I probably said. Making me look even more silly in the process. So eh not a good date. We'll see what happens now, if anything

If she's super shy but interested in you she may open up more via text.

 

[Peachy]

If she's super shy but interested in you she may open up more via text.

Her and I actually talked a little bit via text before meeting but eh. I've ruled that girl out now

I wanted things to go differently, but sometimes things don't work as hoped