part of your problem is you're comparing yourself to others. You cant live like that. You're not behind people that dropped out of middle school. You're still you. You see the world around you and think why I dont I have that? Life is unfair like that. Why do other people get those jobs? I cant answer that. But, I do know that in order to be happy, you gotta start looking at the small victories instead of the big picture. And in due time even if takes you till you're 50. You'll reach that goal. it's not a sprint it's a marathon