*Akoshan Farewell playing in the background*
*Camera zooms in on sepia-colored letter*
"Dear Margaret, I hope the nickel I sent you from Zoltars is enough to pay all the debts on the farm for the next two years. The forum's been terrible lately, shitposting is out of control and well, I'm not sure I will return home being the same man that I was. A gif can get on your nerves after a while, and I'm in constant fear of taco shell and pizza topping debates.
The only thing keeping me sane is a picture of you, that I look at every time a hit hasn't been posted for 10 minutes. Please tell the children to study hard, I don't want them to end up like me.
Love always, Ulysses.
P.S. It's full of vermin here".